To all of you who feel like you're pushed into a corner,

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry you're born into this country. A country which society thinks that you have no place among them and rejects your very existence. I'm sorry that despite of your helplessness, you still have to bear all the anger and hatred directed to you by many people. I'm sorry that insecurities, fear, and worry are part of your everyday life even though this country is supposed to guarantee you protection and security.

Perhaps I don't, I can't, and I will never be able to fully understand what you've gone through. I don't know how it feels and possibly will never do. But you're so brave and strong to be able to survive all those hardships. Maybe you're one of many rape victims who are forced to marry and live together with your rapist. Or you're trapped in an unhealthy relationship and cannot get out of it, for any reasons that no one won't be able to comprehend because they aren't standing on your shoes.

I'm sorry that although people know what's going on, even when they claim they hear strange noises or screams coming from your house they choose not to report it to authorities. And their only pathetic, lame, typical excuse is always: "I don't feel I suppose to butt my nose into other people's menage." (Translation: "Saya nggak mau ikut campur rumah tangga orang lain.")

I'm sorry they treat you with such ignorance,
And I don't buy that excuse at all. Because they are the same people who badmouth you when you're a single parent. They are ones who gossip when you are a woman and has a job that forces you to come home late at night. They don't report alleged abuses but bring a mob to break into your house when they know you're inviting your lover home.


To all of you who were born different,

And also to you who choose a different life choice, and always think that you don't belong. And oftentimes, if not almost every time, you're denied from human rights. You cannot perform your prayer and religious ceremonies because others think your belief is misguided and you'll be burned in hell. Or you cannot achieve your dreams just because you come from the minor race. Perhaps you're exiled from the society because people think sexual orientation is contagious. That you're a threat for the society. And the government doesn't do anything to help you, to protect you from this social pressure and rejection. Some of them regrettably do the opposite: joining the society, even motivating them, to keep trampling you down.

I'm really, really sorry.
I'm sorry that Pancasila is dying day by day and you're the ones who suffer from that. No one deserves to be targeted with systematic harassment and death threats just for being who they are. Not a single soul. Not even you. I'm sorry that many people think you'd better be dead. I'm sorry that even the so-called famous and high-quality public universities keep silent about this and instead stated officially that they prefer to avoid discussing controversial topics and issues.

(Excuse me, but, aren't universities supposed to be some places where you can be challenged intellectually by providing intellectual, scientific, and academic debates, discussions, or forums--controversial or not?)


And I'm sorry for not being able to do anything.

I'm sorry that right now, all I can do is apologize on behalf of small numbers of people who feel heartbroken at the status quo, the worrisome way Indonesia is heading to. I am not sorry you're born different or making a difficult life choices in order to be honest with yourself. I'm sorry you're born here. I'm sorry that society doesn't treat you like human beings. I'm sorry that for you, there is no such thing as "Kemanusiaan yang Adil dan Beradab", "Keadilan Sosial Bagi Seluruh Rakyat Indonesia", neither the rests of this basic Indonesian principles.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I've been reading Haikyuu! for almost three years, apparently. (And for anyone who wonders, "what the hell is 'Haikyuu!'??" please kindly check it here.)

Being a person who actually does not care so much about shounen manga in particular because my reading pattern is more sporadic―I read whatever picks my interest and curiosity regardless the genre―I was introduced to his precious piece or sports manga by someone else. And this tweet was what landed me onto the ground of Haikyuu!'s court:



So to speak, "Haikyuu!" is a manga about a school sports club. Boys volleyball club, to be exact. In Japanese they call it 'danshi bare' (男子バレー）, and that's pretty much the main ground to lay all the stories Furudate Haruichi has in mind.


I won't talk about the main plot. Hell, I just gave a link to its Wiki page so why bother? But I would like to rant a bit about what made me hooked to "Haikyuu!" and what keeps me checking up every new chapter. Online of course, because here in my country the legal version hasn't been released yet. I hope they would be, though.

For a sport manga, "Haikyuu!" sure has a pretty, effective paneling. Furudate Haruichi surely knows where to put lines, how to dissect every page, and what to draw in every panel. And it results in a one, beautiful composition. In my opinion, not even hugely-cheered "Kuroko no Basuke" (Fujimaki Tadatoshi) can compare. *hides from KuroBasu's die-hard fans*

Let's look at these pictures. I took a page (actually it consists of two portraits pages) each from "Kuroko no Basuke" and "Haikyuu!" that has a pretty much the same scene.

Can you see how beautiful "Haikyuu!" is? Furudate Haruichi carefully depicts an important scene that happens on the court with so much attention to details. I personally really like how he used tones to 'blur' some lines to emphasize the movement (take a peek at Hinata's shoe sole!).

And what makes me keep following "Haikyuu!"?

Well... for one, its pacing its pretty fast. It 'only' reaches near 200 chapters so far and yet there are so many development in the storyline and characters. Almost everything that happens in "Haikyuu!" is essential to the story, not merely filler. Each character―especially Karasuno team member―also gets their chance to shine, including those guys who's mostly sitting on the bench in matches. Not every sports manga can do this without making the series painstakingly long.

Now let's talk about fangirls.

Sports manga is known as a genre that can 'create' many fangirls, and if we're discussing "Haikyuu!" then I must admit that I'm a fangirl myself. I love the characters to the point where I needed to stop reading and cried when Sawamura Daichi, Karasuno's volleyball team captain, got hurt in an important match.



But the problem arises when we shift the focus to fujoshis. (The pretty much definition of the term can be found here, because I'm that lazy to explain.)

Look, I don't mind if they like yaoi stories. Boys-love or whatsoever, it's their own preference. But I think it's very frustrating (and annoying) when they twist anything―again: ANYTHING―that builds on close friendship into boys romance. Like, whut? Is it THAT impossible to you fujoshi otakus, to see something which is pure friendship? That same sense of closeness and bonds without making all of them gay?

I'm no homophopic. But the regrettable thing is, most fujoshi fangirls that I know does not exactly care about the character development. Even storyline. They basically read a manga (or watch an anime), then find some made-up-couples they think are so cute together, and in a blink of an eye they start making bunches of fanarts or fanfictions to please their fantasies. At some points, these activities are understandable. However, I think it's now too much.

Good grief.
They seem like horny teenagers.



*P.S: For a bonus, I will put one of my favorite lines from "Haikyuu!" here.
no need to thank me.


Bless your soul, Takeda-sensei (Karasuno boys volleyball team's advisor).

I bet you've seen many kinds of this post on social medias (especially from LINE@ account, which God only knows how many are actually there):


Contoh lainnya masih banyak sih. Misalnya 'anak-(letakkan jurusan perkuliahan yang tidak populer di sini)-lebih-baik-ketimbang-(masukkan jurusan perkuliahan populer di sini)', atau 'Sarjana-lebih-baik-daripada-Diploma', dan lain sebagainya. Terutama sekarang yang sedang nge-hype adalah kampanye 'pengusaha-lebih-baik-daripada-pegawai'.

Lalu memangnya kenapa dengan semua itu?
Ya nggak apa-apa, sih...

Tapi begini. Komparasi terhadap dua hal berbeda itu memang perlu dan selalu akan terjadi, hanya saja masing-masing pasti memiliki pros and cons. And at the end of the day, actually there's nothing better, just what is more suitable and doable.. depends on one's situation and personal capacity. Namun belakangan saya melihat cukup banyak dari kita yang mulai memandang sebelah mata usaha orang lain, padahal sebetulnya diam-diam itu hanya untuk menutupi ketidakmampuan atau ketidakkompetenan diri sendiri.

Saya akan mencoba jelaskan sedikit dengan mengacu pada gambar di atas. Pada artikel yang berjudul "10 Reasons Why C Students are More Successful After Graduation", definisi 'C Students' di sini adalah mahasiswa-mahasiswa dengan nilai cenderung ngepas, mepet-mepet batas kelulusan. Bahkan mungkin ada yang agak megap-megap. Bukan golongan yang bergelimang huruf A di dalam transkrip riwayat studinya. Bukan kandidat Mapres lah, yang jelas.


Dalam artikel itu, 'C Students' disanjung-sanjung. Mereka dinilai tidak mengindahkan sistem sehingga bisa lebih kreatif, lebih berkembang. tidak sibuk berupaya menyenangkan hati guru atau dosen, tidak seperti 'A and B Students' yang tunduk pada sistem dan bersemangat mencoba 'mencuri hati' pengajarnya, atasan-atasan, atau bahkan seniornya (untuk lebih lengkapnya silakan geledah sendiri akun LINE@ Metagraf karena saya malas menulis ulang semua).

Pertama, kecenderungan tidak adanya data valid yang disajikan dalam artikel macam itu. Semuanya sebatas asumsi, asumsi, dan asumsi. Fenomena ini sama seperti postingan-postingan di internet yang memberi stereotipe "Teacher's pet" atau anak-anak sok pintar kepada siswa-siswa yang gemar―atau sering―duduk di bangku lajur depan dan menyematkan gelar "Orang sukses" atau "Legend" terhadap mereka yang senantiasa mengambil bangku paling belakang. Tentu saja, banyak sekali orang (termasuk teman-teman saya) yang menyebarkan (minimal memberi likes) pada postingan sejenis itu... karena siapa sih yang tidak bersedia dipandang akan lebih sukses dibanding golongan "anak-anak-kandidat-Mapres" setelah lulus kuliah? Saya sih mau-mau saja.

Tapi jahat sekali jika kita mengatakan bahwa 'A and B Students' berusaha mendapatkan nilai bagus hanya demi 'cari muka' terhadap dosen. Yah, meskipun harus diakui, ngeselin juga kalau ada kenalan yang kerjaannya main melulu tapi belajar setengah jam semua materi langsung nempel dan nilainya selalu tinggi-tinggi. Namun tetap saja masih banyak sekali di luar sana, mahasiswa ataupun pelajar yang masuk kategori 'A and B Students' karena mereka mengerahkan segenap kemampuan. They are giving it all they got. They committed to their studies because they think it's their responsibility.

There are tons of 'C Students' who are giving their best, too, but simply cannot reach the result as good as 'A and B Students'. And that's okay. That's alright. What's not okay is: when we think that we, as 'C Students', are better than 'A and B Students' because they kiss assess and we don't, and we would be more successful than them after graduation, when in fact, we are just irresponsible with our studies and being lazy ass-fuckers.

okay.

so I, for a LONG time, wanted to scribble my rambling about this.
but I never got the chance. or enough motivation. or, most important of all, the Internet connection. well, what can you do if you want to write a blog post without an internet connection?

(excuse, excuse.)
(I know.)


you see... it's still February.
basically, 2016 is just begun. but there are so much fucked-up things happened already, and I cannot even feel anger anymore. instead, I feel... sad. very, very, sad. those awful happenings remind me what kind of society I'm living in. what kind of era we came into.



I do not understand.
don't we Indonesian have a wonderful national motto, "Bhinneka Tunggal Ika"? which means that even though we are different, we're still one? since when it turned to be something that feels like "Bhinneka Tinggal Golonganku Saja"?

I heard a lot about people boycott churches from being built, even years ago. then there was a ruckus about not allowing someone with Chinese bloodline to govern. Ahmadiyah being banished because people believed they went astray. and recently, there is this neverending uproar about LGBTs.

many people spread so much hatred to these much, much, smaller number of people just because they're different. even those who have bigger political power and voice, those who are supposed to protect the minority, take part in cornering them. even though those in minority just want to live peacefully, society won't allow them that.

because they are different.
so they must be banished. they have to be gone.



even more so, because when you try to tell people "Please don't do that to others, it's inhumane" then you are accused of acting all Saint. you are accused of "trying to defend one-sided human rights" when you stand up for those in minority, for the pariahs.

people want to banish folks like LGBTs, saying they are also defending human rights.
but what kind of human rights that allows a person to 'erase' other person's existence? LGBTs do not kill, they do not want to enslave the rest of the world like Lord Voldemort. they want nothing more than a place to come home and a job to pay their bills.


so why all the hatred?
you don't have to agree with them, with their sexual orientations, with their life choices. HELL, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BEFRIEND THEM. but you cannot also deny them their rights to live. it's just... really cruel.


but maybe society won't understand.
maybe no matter what they say, no matter how much they try to explain, society will continue to hate. because perhaps, perhaps, people in society cannot imagine how being rejected by 'the world' feels.

what a sad society we're living in.

So,
Another year.
The last time I posted something here was when I went to India.

And did anything interesting happen in between such gap?
...Well, not really.
I am sorry, but my life is pretty ordinary.
Overall.



And I have some mental notes regarding that single event.
And it's about human relationship. or mainly, friendship. because you know, sometimes you never can really find who is actually your 'friend'.

So here it is.

I mainly categorized my 'friends' into three kingdoms.
(I could just say 'groups' or 'types' but 'kingdoms' sounds WAY mightier.)

1. Friends who become your role models. they inspire you, or you aspire to them.
2. Friends who fight the same battle as you. your buddies, classmates, something like that.
3. Friends who remind you NOT to become like them. these are usually the ones with bad reputation, or the ones who always make bad decisions throughout their life. 

However, I became fully aware that friends in the SECOND KINGDOM, do fluctuate in quality. Sometimes they whom you think are the closest and trust the most betray you. Or at the very least, do something you would never think they are capable of (in a bad way, of course). And some other times, those who you never think about go through a considerable amount of distance just for you. And they leave you at a loss for words.

This phenomenon happened to me in this graduation day.

Well, I have always kept myself a considerably small number of 'good friends', just because I pretty suck at friendship. So when I graduated actually I did not expect any gifts. I thought I would simply be happy when my friends show up after the ceremony and tell me jokingly, "Hey, now you are an unemployed girl! Jobless people!"

And yet I got all of these things:



AND YET (again), those people who I think would come never did.
They did not even drop me a message.
Even more a call.

It was as if it never happened.
As if they did not acknowledge my graduation.
And we were supposed to be buddies... or something close enough to it.


And it would be a flat-out lie if I said it did not hurt me. But in a strangest way, I understand. Sometimes even those people so-called your 'friends' do not really care about what you did. About what you accomplished. and some other times, they just do not want to care. I have this feeling that I know their reasons, but I won't put it here.

It's just my own assumption, after all.

So for you lots who cared enough for me to wait until the rain stopped today, I am really, REALLY thankful. For all the flowers and gifts and hugs and laughs and words you've given me this afternoon... I would remember it.

You know who you are.

And please spread the same kind of kindness to your other friends. You might think they won't notice your absence, but they will. And when you show up to them only for a simple "Congratulations!", it would warm their hearts. It would give them extra power for the next step.