The Fight Songs: revelation

Sorry, Rachel Platten, but this post is not about you. And not about your song, too. Thank you for having a track with title and lyrics so perfect for me to... um, borrow, though. Bertahun-tahun malang-melintang hidup di dunia, sejak masa kanak-kanak sampai sekarang sudah legal melakukan berbagai macam aktivitas orang dewasa (mengajukan diri sebagai calon legislatif, misalnya), saya tentu sudah pernah mengalami naik-turun kondisi psikologis walau lebih sering diliputi kegelapan. Senang. Girang. Kebingungan. Gundah gulana. Mental breakdown. Panic attack. Entah apa lagi. Pokoknya berjuta rasa sekodi emosi.

Sebagaimana judul di atas, saya akan berbagi lagu-lagu uplifting yang selama sekian tahun lamanya mampu 'menyelamatkan' kewarasan dan―if we're talking extreme―berperan dalam membuat saya tetap hidup sampai saat ini. These songs aren't the ones in my previous post, no, because this time, most of them are a standalone. Istilah lainnya: lagu ketengan. Unapologetically weeb, too.

Miyazaki Ayumi - Brave heart

This one takes the platinum award. Hands down. No objection. No question. Semasa saya masih kanak-kanak (mungkin sekitar 5-6 tahun), serial animasi Digimon Adventure ditayangkan di Indosiar dan yang saya tahu hanyalah: ini lagu yang dipakai sewaktu Agumon dan kawan-kawannya bertempur melawan digimon jahat. Years passed and as I grew up and understood Japanese better, this song had secured its strong hold and reigned supreme in my heart. There will be no other songs like this, nothing this powerful. Not even any of Arashi's songs have the same effect on me. The only thing which comes incredibly close is only Break Up! which I will mention soon, and it was from Digimon Adventure's sequel too.

Saya menemukan sepotong tulisan yang amat representatif di kolom komentar YouTube terlampir. Mbak Isabela Felipe, siapa pun kamu dan di mana pun kamu berada, you've got a friend in me. Kalau mau jadi temen saya, sih.

Terbaik. Best YouTube commentaries.

Apakah kondisi saya akan jadi berapi-api ketika mendengarkan Brave heart? Wrong, people. Wrong. WROOONG. Setiap lagu Brave heart terputar on shuffle atau sengaja saya mainkan karena desakan psikologis, justru saya biasanya nangis. Ya oke saya emang cengeng dari sononya sih. But I wonder who wouldn't cry when they were so close from falling apart and they heard a song from childhood days telling them things from the first verse like: "Anyone can run away and give up in a second, so keep on walking. There is something only you can do". Ultimate ugly crying guaranteed.

Miyazaki Ayumi - Break Up!

This song is basically Brave heart 2.0, and I shit you not: it has the similar effect. Listening to Break Up! at my lowest moments means neverending sobbing for at least an hour under the running shower or a moving public transportation vehicle (this is true). Tapi ya setelah itu, selepas sekian lama mewek jelek di lantai kamar mandi, saya merasa punya penopang lagi. To me, both Brave heart and this song have some kind of unexplainable magic that gives yourself some kind of supporting power to face unrelenting struggles. I don't really know. Maybe it's the music, the lyrics, or the way I remember that every time this song plays, it means it's time to evolve. To get stronger. To grit your teeth and take that one step forward no matter how scary your 'opponent' might be, how unsure you are about the end result.

"You heard the voice of your heart screaming 'I don't want to lose!', didn't you? There is nothing else to do, you must toughen up and face it."

Barangkali banyak orang merasa biasa-biasa saja, namun bagi saya, verse pertama Break Up! terasa bagaikan tamparan realita. It holds my feet down. It keeps me to the ground. Saya bahkan tidak pernah absen menatap telapak tangan sendiri dan mengepalkannya perlahan-lahan setiap kali lagu Break Up! tiba di bagian bridge "If you look at your open palms and clench them strongly, strength will flow into your heart". Udah semacam ritual religius sekaligus psikologis.

Saya masih sanggup menyebutkan belasan judul lagu lagi hanya untuk manjang-manjangin tulisan ini, namun demi menyelamatkan orang lain dari mati bosan (sekaligus menuruti hasrat malas pribadi), akan dirangkum sebagai berikut: nyaris keseluruhan 'Fight Song' saya adalah lagu-lagu soundtrack serial animasi Digimon. Apa pun. Mulai dari Adventure, Adventure 02, Tamers, Frontier, Savers, bla bla bla hingga Adventure tri. Terus terang, posisi puncak dan runner-up tetap tak tergoyahkan, teguh dipegang Brave heart dan Break Up! hingga saat ini. Bahkan Butter-Fly milik almarhum Wada Kouji pun tidak cukup mampu menyaingi. Like I said, those two songs are magical.

However, this 'Fight Songs' list has an oddball.

Here it is.

Jungle Smile - Dakishimetai

If those previously mentioned tracks are about giving strength, this song allows me to 'not being strong'. Entah apakah ada orang lain yang ingat atau tidak, tapi dulu waktu saya kelas 5 SD (kayaknya), anime GALS! diputar di GlobalTV dan Dakishimetai―bahasa Inggris: "I want to hug you"―adalah lagu ending serial tersebut. Going with slow tempo, this soothing track feels so human, real, and raw. Something I didn't actually know or even pay attention to, when I was still a kid. Toh nggak ngerti juga bahasanya, kan. Bertahun-tahun kemudian, sepulang dari student exchange membawa oleh-oleh kemampuan berbahasa Jepang, saya menemukan kembali lagu ini saat iseng bongkar-bongkar file komputer. Out of curiosity I pressed the play button and daaaaaaamn it broke me and put me back together from scratch.

"I hate it that you're always smiling. That you're strong, cute, and popular person. I hate it that I'm slow and stupid, such a person that no one needs."

Gimana? Gimana? Sudah beranjak baper belum? Krisis eksistensial kembali muncul di permukaan? Sudah mulai ingin mencakar-cakar bantal? Menggigiti ujung selimut? Berjongkok di sudut ruangan memeluk lutut? Hold your horses, pal. We're not finished yet. It's only starting. Ngomong-ngomong, subtitle yang tersedia di embedded video memang berbeda dengan yang saya tulis yah. Terserah sih mau percaya terjemahan siapa... *wink wink*

"You, whom I've always envied, are crying alone with trembling shoulders. Hey, are you also afraid of being alone? Aren't us all miserable and weak?"

Duh Gusti Nu Agung, tolonglah. Lirik semacam ini seharusnya diharamkan oleh Japan Halal Research Institute. Despite sounding almost like a self-depreciation theme, Dakishimetai actually is a perfect 'fight song' because it acknowledges someone's (okay, it's me) worries and struggles without putting any flowery words. "If I had more courage, I'd want to hug you". Aaaand there goes my stream of tears again. Tapi nggak apa-apa. Menangis malam ini, berusaha lagi besok pagi. Life is just a repetitious circle of wiping your tears and wetting your cheeks with them again.

Lagu seperti apa yang jadi 'fight song' kalian?

z. d. imama