Birthday Project: "Hey guys, what do you say about me?"

DISCLAIMER: I don't really like birthdays.

And I stopped remembering how old I am after I turned seventeen. I don't know. Perhaps because I realize that it never means anything (unless when I reached 21―hey world, now I'm legal for almost everything! Wooo hooo!). Or maybe it's because I never got the chance to experience the over-exaggerated "sweet seventeen" thing everyone else seems to be very excited about. Why, you ask? Simple. My parents could not afford any kind of festivities. And I am fine with it. A little bit sad, of course, and envious to others who celebrated their 'turning seventeen' with grand parties. But skipping it didn't kill me, so yeah. I'm okay.

Alasan saya tidak suka ulang tahun bermacam-macam. Lebih sering karena tidak terlalu peduli soal itu, tapi pernah juga gara-gara I felt so damn emo about it, serta sempat juga akibat merasa dimanfaatkan oleh orang-orang yang suka mengatasnamakan pertemanan. Silakan bilang saya ini terlalu serius atau apa, tapi rasa yang saya alami saat itu nyata. It felt real and I didn't like it, and it made me kind of having two left feet when facing my own birthday.

Tapi tahun ini saya akan mencoba menghadapi hari kelahiran saya dengan cara yang tidak sama seperti tahun-tahun sebelumnya. Gimana? Bikin Birthday Project ala-ala, seperti yang bulan Juni silam dilakukan teman saya, Ikhyar (eh, kita dihitungnya sudah temenan kan ya?). Dipikir-pikir, nggak ada yang istimewa juga sih sebenarnya dengan ulang tahun kali ini. Angkanya juga nggak cakep, tampang saya juga masih begini-begini aja, nggak mendadak bangun-bangun jadi mirip Kitagawa Keiko. I just want to do something new, and hopefully this project will make me more positive about myself, because I for damn sure suffer a pretty chronic low self-esteem syndrome.

I am going to meet people in every weekend, have a long chat with them, and before we part, I will ask for ① their first impression of me (in case it's their first time of meeting me) and ② what part of me which they like.

Iya, gitu doang.

This may look very simple and mundane thing for you, but for me, it's huge. I'm a bit of socially-awkward person and I'm never really good at making friends because... surprise, surprise: I don't really know what to do when you're someone's friend. So I guess, I just want to know which part of me that leaves a (good) impression to other people when I sit with them and have a talk. It can be anything. Any trivial matter is alright. Later, when I feel bad about myself and get discouraged and begin to think that I'm worthless... their positive feedback will help keeping me from giving up. From doing something stupid and unnecessary. True, whether to give up or chin up is completely my decision. And yet, knowing someone else has something nice to say about you still brings a sense of happiness. At least to me.

So, I'm doing this.

Ulang tahun saya terjadi di pertengahan bulan Desember nanti. Targetnya sih, hingga hari itu tiba, saya bisa ketemu dan ngobrol dengan total 22 orang berbeda, yang cukup baik hati untuk bersedia saya ajak kontribusi dalam birthday project egois ini. Haha. Anyone wants to help me accomplish this birthday project? I'll be very glad to meet you!

z. d. imama